Monday, May 02, 2016

I Finally Found Myself

My name is Paul.

I never understood who I was.

Now I know who I am.

What it took to bring me to this point.

Why I am saying this here and now.

I’ve never said it in a public forum, but a few close and trusting friends know. I’m going to say it now… Here goes nothing…

I’m Bisexual.

(Image via on Facebook)
There I said it. It wasn’t so difficult. I thought it would be, but it wasn’t. I figured it was time as I am nearing the half century mark in my life.

That’s not to say I’ve never dated or slept with my own gender. My exploration and curiosity days are long gone. It was when I was young I didn’t understand my attractions. I never knew why I was drawn to a Hardy Boy and Wonder Woman, or in my teen years, a Superman and a Supergirl. I never understood why I had crushes on male classmates but at a young age, not as strong as crushes I had on female classmates, but the attractions were there.

For years, I fought with myself regarding my sexuality. I would sometimes withdraw into myself. Although I am an introvert by nature, I would just not leave my house, except for work. The only way to find acceptance for my sexuality would be for me to accept me for who I am. I am who I am and I accept me. I love me. In the end, it will always be me. I have to learn to love myself. Something that I have been dealing with most of my life. It’s been a long road, and now that I can accept my bisexuality as who I am, I can learn to love myself as a whole person.

Over the years, I have encountered many people within the LGBT community. Most are accepting of the “B” of the LGBT, but some aren’t. Same goes for the “straight” community regarding the “B” in the LGBT. It’s probably one of the reasons I decided to keep to myself for so long. Nowhere to fit in.

For years, I could be open about love for a female, but dead silent if I had feelings for a male. I’ve decided it’s time to learn to not to care what others think and just do what comes naturally for me. This is my life. If someone wants to continue on my life’s journey, they are welcome to tag along. If not, well, it was a hell of a journey up to this point. I wish you well.

(Image via on Facebook)

I thought it was time to come out when the Proposition 8 fight was happening in California a few years back, but I didn’t do it. I don’t know why. I was fighting for and supporting my allies in the LGBT community, but I fell short and became as silent as the “B” in LGBT.

I thought it was time to come when same-sex marriage was ruled constitutional by SCOTUS, but still remained silent. I was proud but quiet.

Now, with the anti-transsexual “bathroom bills” popping up in various states, I felt it was time.

People tend to fear what they don’t understand or what their religion tells them to fear. Their god tells them that LGBT people are “sinners”. That we’re “unnatural”. That our feelings don’t count. We’re a “less than” of society. We deserve less rights because we don’t fit what their “good book” says. But we do. We deserve every right afforded to the heterosexuals, regardless of what a book of fairytales says. We are humans and, believe it or not, some of us do not believe in these deities they worship.

Lately, I’ve been posting “Bisexual” items on my Facebook wall. For years, I’ve been posting things in solidarity for the LGBT cause as a “straight ally”, but now things are personal. I’ve come to accept who I am and no longer afraid to hide behind a mask. No, I am not going to publicly “out” myself, but if someone were to ask me a direct question, I will answer “Yes, I am bisexual”. Of course, if they don’t know me by now or haven’t figured it out by now, they really haven’t been paying attention.

That’s my story. I hope you learned a bit about who I am and stick around for the next chapter.


 (Cross posted on Tumblr)


Brenda Fager said...

I love you as you are, Paul. You are a very good friend and deserve the best life has to offer.

I'm sorry you've had to be silent for so long. You're a great person and I am honored to call you my dear friend. *HUGS*

Americans For Ethics said...

I've got to meet you and hang out with you. You're still the same good-hearted fellow I had a drink with that day. Very courageous to share your inner most feelings with everyone.I hope it takes off a burden you must have carried. You're still our lovable Paulie, dude!
Gary Out!

Michael Schroeder said...

My only comment is that I am so happy that you've come to a place where you are comfortable in your own skin and in being who you are. Other than that, nothing changed. You are a trusted, awesome friend and our UNCLE PAUL. Love ya, man.

Christine Holbrook 💜 said...

Paulie, please just be happy and be YOU!!
Hugs and love! ����

Jon Williams said...

Cool. I am glad that society is finally moving in the direction that people can actually be who they are instead of who they want them to be. Party on Garth.

bjd1 said...

Proud of u

J Smiles said...


J Smiles said...